A tasty treat

For  FHE (Family Home Evening) tonight, we learned about the brother of Jared with a flannel board story. Rafe insisted on putting the pieces where he wanted them, and Lydia had some great suggestions for what Mahonri Moriancomer could have used for lights in his boats (flashlight, candle, and lamp), but the highlight of the night was dessert.

Caramel popcorn is a favorite from Adam's childhood that we have recently started making a lot (probably more than necessary). The recipe comes from a ward cookbook from almost 25 years ago, which is kind of awesome. We especially like it because it's a recipe that the kids can be really involved in. Watching popcorn pop is always a hit, and when everything goes into the paper bag, they can help shake it. I thought I'd share in case anyone else wanted a fun, quick, yummy treat. We always burn our fingers and tongues trying to eat it right out of the bag instead of waiting for it to cool.

Microwave Caramel Corn
3 qt. popped corn (we have a stirring popper that we love - hardly any unpopped kernels!)
1 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. light corn syrup
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 c. peanuts (optional)
1/2 c. butter
1/2 tsp. salt

Place popped corn and peanuts in a large brown paper bag. Combine brown sugar, butter, corn syrup, and salt in a 2 quart glass bowl. Microwave on HIGH for 3 to 4 minutes. Stir after each minute. Microwave 2 minutes more. Stir in baking soda. Pour syrup over popped corn and peanuts.in bag. Close bag and shake well. Microwave 1/2 minute more. Shake bag and pour popcorn into large roasting pan. Cool and stir to separate caramel corn kernels. Makes 3 quarts.

And, because I've had a lot of pictureless posts recently, and that's terrible, here are some shots from back in November.

Babies

This morning (or a few days ago, depending on when I decide to post this), I got to spend a blessed hour watching the couple-months-old daughter of a good friend.

I held her swaddled body close while swaying back and forth. It all came back. Those motions and the soft murmurings (not really saying anything at all, just letting that beautiful baby know you're there) that happened so naturally when my two were new came back in a rush while cradling this perfect little girl. She fussed a bit and I rolled her over so she was facing the floor as I patted her back. She sucked her pacifier for all it was worth until her whole body relaxed into sleep. Turning her just slightly so I could see her delicate (tiny!) features I was so grateful for the opportunity to hold her for those precious moments. It felt so familiar and yet so distant. Distant from my life of independent, active, wiggly, outspoken toddlers. 

And then I felt a little robbed.

Because I should be able to have as many of those perfect babies as I darn well wanted to.

Cancer is a jerk. The worst kind of jerk. 

Rafe at 2

The other day I ran across the word rapscallion in something I was reading and had to think twice about whether it had positive or negative connotations. After looking up the exact definition, I said to myself, "That is my little boy." The kid has taken mischief to a new level. And it's not just him exploring by getting into things and destroying things, it's him pushing peoples' buttons because he thinks it's absolutely hilarious.

When I take off his diaper to change him, he squirms away, delighting in streaking through the house in the buff. Adam has learned not to try and put shoes on in front of him, since it always results in Rafe stealing one and running away with it. His hands-down-favorite activity is getting his sister riled by picking up one of her toys and saying "Mine toy." The list could go one with descriptions of the things he has poured on the flour, a count of how many books he has torn up, and the number of times I have had to run to turn off the microwave when he turned it on by himself (after filling it with spoons).

(Warning: bad phone pictures coming up)

Fortunately, not all his time is spent destroying our lives. He loves snacks, and food in general. Cars, toy animals, and various building sets can keep him occupied for hours. His counting is adorable, and singing songs makes him so, so happy. One of his favorite pastimes is a game with Adam called "Ride Dad," which is self-explanatory, and usually leads to Rafe feeling the need to climb on people, jump off chairs, and wrestle with anyone who is willing to be engaged. In completely unrelated news, Adam's back has been really sore recently.

   

In addition to hitting the terrible two's early and exhausting everyone around him with his antics, Rafe is seriously the sweetest little guy. He loves to read. He'll climb up on the big lazyboy in his room with a pile of books and pat the back of the chair next to him to indicate where I should sit. "Wight 'ere." So I'll cuddle up next to his curl-covered head and read the mouse book, dino book, owl book, or whatever new one is top on his list. Putting him down for bed stretches on and on because when I say "Last book," he says " 'Nother book" in an absolutely irresistible way.

He's a real snuggler who loves to give hugs and kisses (especially when his sister has decided she doesn't want to be touched). He is also easily soothed by a little back rub and his favorite song (at the moment: Jingle Bells - we're keeping the Christmas spirit alive). The feeling of his little head resting on my shoulder melts my heart and I remember that I am the luckiest mama on earth.

And now he's two and less of a baby than ever. I love you big guy; I'm glad you're in our family.

P.S. Thanks to my father-in-law for the first photo!

The Infusion Center

When I go in for treatments (once a week these days, soon to be once a month), I go to what is called "The Infusion Center." It's a big room with medical recliners around the perimeter, each with a small TV that probably doesn't work, an uncomfortable chair for your spouse or friend, an apparatus for hanging IVs, and 3 different trash cans. One corner of the room is well stocked with snacks, as well as a fridge, coffeemaker and blanket warmer. About 6 nurses are always hustling around helping people.

The nurses—along with the snacks—are the best part of the infusion center. They are just so nice! When you walk in, Wendy and Alice will wave or say "Hi." Dotty remembers who you are, what you're suffering from, what snacks you like, which side of the room you prefer, which side your port is on, and what kinds of medications you have had bad reactions to in the past. As Eliza sticks in your IV, she jokes around with you and asks about your family. When your husband shows up with his head shaved, Mike laughs about how he almost kicked out that shady character because nobody recognized him. Sharon runs for basins when you want/need them, apologizes when the proteins in your vital port make it so you're in that chair for 4 hours, and scrounges up a pillow when something she gave you makes you incredibly tired. They are all just great.

As I close in on my final chemo treatment, I've been wanting to bring something to these wonderful nurses, but I don't really know what. Baked goods? A plant? Any ideas? What says "Thanks for taking care of me when I was at my lowest"?

You have got to be kidding me

So here's the deal. I'm on week 11 of 12 chemo treatments - so close to being done I can taste it (no really, I can taste the chemo treatments). Unlike *ahem* previous chemo regimens, things have been pretty easy. I thought I was going to make it home free without A) being bald again and B) any unfortunate trips to cozy up to the toilet.

But.

Today I got to spend some quality time with the porcelain throne.

And when run my fingers through my hair (it may not be long, but it's there), inch-long strands come away on my palms.

And I think "Why'd you have to get my hopes up?"

The Tale of Lady Thi Kinh

This is complete overkill, but I'm running with it. In addition to posting this on facebook and sending out an email to everyone that I'm related to, I thought I'd let my loyal blog followers know that Adam is performing in a World Premiere tonight. The opera is entitled "The Tale of Lady Thi Kinh" and is a brand new opera written by a professor at IU named P. Q. Phan. It's based on a Vietnamese folktale, but is mostly in English. I've heard very good things about it, including that the music is beautiful and the costumes are spectacular. Adam plays the part of a Buddhist monk, the head of the temple (and yes, they did shave his head for this role). He is on stage some in the first act, but the bulk of his singing comes in the second half. Overall, the opera's probably not more than 2 and a half hours.

You can watch it online through the IU Jacobs School of Music site here:
http://music.indiana.edu/iumusiclive/streaming/
It will start at 8pm EST.

*Image from IU Opera and Ballet School's facebook page. Pictured singers are not from Adam's cast, so will not be performing tonight.

The little things

Recently, I have been trying to notice the little joys in life, like

• The way Lydia calls our town (or any place, really) "our village." "The church in our village is a loooonnng way away."
• Hanging up Adam's button-up shirts and then hanging up miniature Rafe-sized versions of those shirts alongside of them
• Watching my children play with the people who love them, like their Dad or a couple of my siblings who have come to assist in the last couple of weeks
• Having good conversations with friends or family
• My sister calling nearly everyday just to chat
• The feeling of going to bed with a clean (semi-clean) house
• My nightly ice-cream (I have a problem)
• Books! Reading to my kids is so much more rewarding than I would have expected. And we just got a huge box of new/old books from my Grandma Bonnie
• Listening to Lydia's vocabulary "I'm having struggs getting my pants on"
• Dressing up to go on a "Treasure Hunt" with both children
• The moment of silence at dinner just after the prayer when everyone digs into their food and I can finally breathe
• Laughing with Adam
• The satisfied smile on Rafe's face when he has successfully explained to you what he wants
• How beautiful my children are when they are asleep. The peaceful look of their quiet faces, the innocence in their chubby cheeks, the way they hold onto their comfort "stuffies (as Lydia calls them)" even deep in slumber, and the shape of that teeny body under a cozy blanket. 

Anyone have any little joyful moments to share?

My version of a Year-In-Review

I was composing a post in my head as kind of a "2013 Summary!", but it was turning into a downer and nobody wants to read that.

Instead, I wanted to talk about the awesome things that happened in 2013.

• We saw a lot of our families! More than we expected, but that was great! With 2 family reunions, and people staying with us for 6 months of the year, our kids know their relatives a lot better. Thank you everyone for taking time out of your lives to help us! We love you!
• We kept the U.S. Postal Service in business (also Amazon). Thank you to everyone who sent us packages and notes! I'm pretty sure I haven't written over half the thank you notes I need to, but we truly, truly appreciated ever single letter, gift, or package. I know they came from family members, old and new friends, ward members, and friends of friends. It was like a hug with every box. No one feels as loved as we do.
• Our ward went above and beyond with taking care of us. I cannot even count the number of people who have helped us with watching the kids, cleaning our house, making us food, dropping by gifts, coming by to chat, writing notes, sending gift cards, and praying for us. We have felt so loved and supported by our ward family (our old ward is included in this).
• We met a lot of other people in the cancer world. Although it is sobering to think of the number of people with this disease, we also feel hopeful about how many amazing survival stories and survivors themselves there are out there. 
• We also met wonderful doctors and nurses who have helped us every step of the way.
• Our family has been thriving this year. The kidlums have grown and learned so much. They are delightful when they are not maniacs and we look forward to watching them grow more. 

Toddler Selfies

Today Rafe got a hold of my phone for a while and took approximately 78 pictures of the upper right quadrant of his face. Incidentally, that section of his face is the part that contains a bruise, a scab, and a fresh scratch that he won't stop picking at. I now have 78 pictures that make it look like I abuse my child.

He's just an active (read: crazy) nearly-two-year-old, honest!

Cooking With Kids

I almost wrote "Cooking with Toddlers" as my title, but realized that at the ripe old age of 4, Lydia doesn't really qualify as a toddler anymore (/tear).

Also, this post is not a revelation of how to make your chicken and child casserole taste delicious, so if you're looking for cannibalistic recipes, move along.

The actual point of this is to ask the question "How on earth do you cook alongside your children without losing your mind?"

A typical cooking session for me looks like this.

"Okay, keep fingers out while I'm chopping, thanks! Yes, you can help pour, but...OH that was a lot. You are such a HELPer! Yay! Rafe, the microwave is not a toy, no really, not - Stop pushing the buttons...okay, let's unplug it. Hey Lyds, what have you been up to? Oh, what else did you add to the recipe? Great (big smile) No, buddy, your sister is on the stool right now. Can we keep the fridge closed? Oh, be careful there, that's hot. Chopping is really Mom's job, but that's really nice of you to want to help. We're not unloading the dishwasher right now. Yes, stir all you want. Preferably keeping some of dinner in the bowl...

And so it goes.

I want them to learn to cook, and I want to spend time with them, but goodness gracious they drive me crazy. Any hints?

Tonight I made this delicious baked gnocchi, and when I put it in the oven I realized that I had forgotten two important ingredients (one being salt) because I had been so busy putting out fires (figuratively people, no real fires, although with Rafe's obsession with the microwave, I'm sure there will come the day. Maybe I should check to make sure our fire extinguisher is in working order).

So yeah. I'm still alive. So are my children. We might order pizza tomorrow.

Road Trippin'

Hey guys! Long time no see! A lot of stuff has happened since mid-December! Maybe I'll play catch-up, but maybe not!

In the meantime, here are some pictures from our recent trip to Tennessee.

What to do when you have to do it all over again

Posting has been sparse over here, I recognize that. There's a reason for it. I'm not sure if it's a good reason. You tell me. I've been dreading posting because I don't like to deliver bad news. All my family and friends, new and old have been so supportive and happy for me after the news in this post, and I am so grateful for that.

The thing is, while the scan showed no signs of disease, when they went in to do surgery, my doctor found a whole ton more cancer in my chest wall. Which means we're back to the grindstone of chemo and radiation for the next 5 months or so.

The worst part of having cancer is telling people you have cancer. Or still have cancer.

Cheeser

Adam claims he was exactly like this as a child.

Hair (pictures fixed)

         

A friend of Adam's Mom  (Collette) has a friend (Karen) who crochets and made this amazing hat for me. I was dashing out the door with the kids to our Trunk-or-Treat and snagged it for an easy quasi-costume.
"I'm a person with hair!"

Halloween!

These are the only pictures I got of my kid's Halloween costumes.

They were both adorable.

Lydia was a ballerina (her hair was even in a bun for one of the trunk-or-treats we attended), which was solely her idea and worked out great because we just bought all the pieces of her costume. I hope to sign her up for a dance class next year, so it's just an investment.

Rafe was a duck. His favorite snuggle toy is a big ol' stuffed duck, so it was super cute to see him dressed as a duck and toting around a duck. My Mom did all the work on his costume, so I basically didn't do anything to prep for Halloween this year. Score!

Anybody (Kim, Kayleen?) get better pictures of my kids in their costumes?

Both kids loved it, Rafe covered himself with chocolate, and we have found that Lydia is suddenly very cooperative when we mention that acting otherwise could result in a Halloween candy tax.

Happy Halloween!

What to do when you feel like a cowboy

All week I've felt like there's a holster at my hip. If someone jumped out at me and said "Draw," I'd counter with "Drain!" and pull out the plastic vessel that's connected to my insides by a plastic tube to strike fear into my opponent (obviously my opponent is cancer - I don't think anyone else wants to kill me). I'm toting it around in a little pouch that, when covered by clothing, makes it look like I've got a gnarly goiter. This is all a side effect of the surgery, and while the drains were annoying at first, it's not a big deal now. Except when Lyds accidentally sits on the tube and practically yanks it out of my chest. That's kind of a big deal.

In other news, here's me wanting to show off my peach fuzz. I kind of want to keep my hair this length permanently - it gives me something to do when I'm thinking. Nothing like a lucky head to rub...oh wait...I'm probably not what you would call lucky...

Drain comes out tomorrow and then it's down to the serious business of becoming accustomed to my new Amazon shape. Man, it's going to be so easy to draw my bow and arrow now! It's going to completely up my warrioress game. In truth, I'm mostly just dreading having to wear a bra again. 

FREEDOM!

This describes my life

xkcd got it right.
Here.

Past the point of no return

It's weird to be in the hospital without a brand new baby.

I'm here for a completely different reason. Yesterday I had surgery to remove my right breast. This decreases the likelihood of my cancer returning.
But.
It's kind of alarming.
It feels like I'm in someone else's body.
I'm doing okay, but I feel like it's going to take a while to adjust to this and to feel at home in my own skin.

In other news, hospital food is gross and I have to take sponge baths for the next 2 weeks. So there's that.

Opera going

When Adam performed in Le Nozze Di Figaro last month, I got to attend with a good friend of mine, Michelle, and her daughter.

Forgive the bad lighting - I think a finger ended up in front of the flash. Lydia was not attending, but obviously needed to dress up.

Adam said I looked like a pirate, with the dangley earrings, headscarf, and all. The effect was particularly pronounced when I put on my blue pea-coat with anchor buttons...  It's so easy to look like you're wearing a costume when you're bald. In other news, that's the first time that blouse has been worn since my older sister's wedding...5+ years ago.

Going to the opera is always a good excuse to dress up, but especially so when it's an IU production. They go all out. If you're interested in seeing a video clip from the opera, featuring Adam, check out his professional website arwalton.com. Also, for those who were unable to attend, and missed the live web-stream (or if you just want to see/hear more of that amazing goodness), the recording is now up on IU's website, here. Just click on Marriage of Figaro (the picture should be of Adam) at the bottom.

Cute kids

Thanks to our wonderful neighbor for the great addition to our lives. Aren't these great chairs?