Monday, March 10, 2014

I'm not as smart as my phone

Not too long ago, I hopped on the smart phone bandwagon. I have since realized that it's a dangerous device, but that's neither here nor there. I'm looking for some advice. I feel like I take more photos now, but I don't feel like they're great quality. I keep hearing about these photo apps and I'm just wondering what the point of those are. Are they like Instagram and add filters, but without the social aspect? Or are there apps that have more editing power? Do any of the apps improve the quality of pictures or help you have more control over exposure or shutter speed? Any recommendations? Snapchat a real thing that people in the real world do? Do you Snapchat? What on earth is the point?

Any recommendations of good/useful/entertaining apps (for me or the toddlers)?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Is this what normal feels like?

At some point during chemo I forgot what it feels like to feel good. Forget good, I couldn't remember what normal felt like. I would wake up and bury my head under the pillows because getting up just seemed way, way too hard. And then I started to assume that the way I felt every day was just normal, and that I would feel terrible, horrible, no good, very bad every morning for the rest of my life. The days stretched out in my mind like this eternal, beige-colored, no-end-in-sight, not actually going anywhere road that I had to walk. That's when the depression set in. I felt trapped in a sad, sick, tired body that couldn't do the things it needed to in order to help two amazing children feel loved.

Thankfully, chemo ended. And I woke up this morning thinking "Hey, getting out of bed isn't that bad." And then I got up and was a kind, loving, and fun mother to my kids all day long.

When the kids were asleep, I looked at Adam and said, "I BAMMED today."

Yes, this picture was taken today.

P.S. Remind me to tell you about the time I BAMMED the library.

Japanese kigurumi

I have an amazing friend named Jamie who sent me this (and a red panda one as well) for Christmas. It's amazing, everyone should get one. Bonnie out.

Monday, March 3, 2014


Today could have been one of those days. But it wasn't, which makes me happy.
Lydia screamed and cried about me handing her the breakfast she requested. The whole morning went down the tubes from that point on. After such an illustrious beginning, I anticipated her doctor's appointment being a nightmare, with more weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. But as soon as we dropped her brother off at the neighbor's house, Lydia regained her composure. The drive to the pediatrician's office was pleasant as we talked about what might happen there. Ever the chatterbox, Lydia enjoyed asking the nurses about every detail of their work. And after her painful shots ("Mama, that really hurt my legs!") a new book was just the ticket to return a smile to her face.
The rest of the day went smoothly, with no fits or tantrums, 3 naps for 3 tired people, and a lovely dinner followed by FHE with friends. I am so grateful that we made it through.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Super low quality, but super cute

Blurry, messy, and half-naked, but somehow still cute. Alternative caption: apparently they can play happily together for more than 15 seconds.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014


"Keep on keeping on."

Most appropriate fortune cookie I've ever opened.

Monday, February 24, 2014

A tasty treat

For  FHE (Family Home Evening) tonight, we learned about the brother of Jared with a flannel board story. Rafe insisted on putting the pieces where he wanted them, and Lydia had some great suggestions for what Mahonri Moriancomer could have used for lights in his boats (flashlight, candle, and lamp), but the highlight of the night was dessert.

Caramel popcorn is a favorite from Adam's childhood that we have recently started making a lot (probably more than necessary). The recipe comes from a ward cookbook from almost 25 years ago, which is kind of awesome. We especially like it because it's a recipe that the kids can be really involved in. Watching popcorn pop is always a hit, and when everything goes into the paper bag, they can help shake it. I thought I'd share in case anyone else wanted a fun, quick, yummy treat. We always burn our fingers and tongues trying to eat it right out of the bag instead of waiting for it to cool.

Microwave Caramel Corn
3 qt. popped corn (we have a stirring popper that we love - hardly any unpopped kernels!)
1 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. light corn syrup
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 c. peanuts (optional)
1/2 c. butter
1/2 tsp. salt

Place popped corn and peanuts in a large brown paper bag. Combine brown sugar, butter, corn syrup, and salt in a 2 quart glass bowl. Microwave on HIGH for 3 to 4 minutes. Stir after each minute. Microwave 2 minutes more. Stir in baking soda. Pour syrup over popped corn and bag. Close bag and shake well. Microwave 1/2 minute more. Shake bag and pour popcorn into large roasting pan. Cool and stir to separate caramel corn kernels. Makes 3 quarts.

And, because I've had a lot of pictureless posts recently, and that's terrible, here are some shots from back in November.

Friday, February 21, 2014


This morning (or a few days ago, depending on when I decide to post this), I got to spend a blessed hour watching the couple-months-old daughter of a good friend.

I held her swaddled body close while swaying back and forth. It all came back. Those motions and the soft murmurings (not really saying anything at all, just letting that beautiful baby know you're there) that happened so naturally when my two were new came back in a rush while cradling this perfect little girl. She fussed a bit and I rolled her over so she was facing the floor as I patted her back. She sucked her pacifier for all it was worth until her whole body relaxed into sleep. Turning her just slightly so I could see her delicate (tiny!) features I was so grateful for the opportunity to hold her for those precious moments. It felt so familiar and yet so distant. Distant from my life of independent, active, wiggly, outspoken toddlers. 

And then I felt a little robbed.

Because I should be able to have as many of those perfect babies as I darn well wanted to.

Cancer is a jerk. The worst kind of jerk.