Thursday, October 31, 2013

The R word

Oh, that elusive R word that every cancer patient hopes for: Remission.

We've achieved it!

My lastest PET scan showed no cancer anywhere in my body.

So instead of facing another kind of chemo, we're in maintenance mode.


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Pumpkins with the punkins

Growing up, pumpkin carving was a big deal. It took hours upon agonizing hours.
This was caused by a simple thing.
Sibling Rivalry.
Everyone wanted theirs to be the most creative, coolest-looking, out-of-this-world jack-o-lantern anyone had ever seen. So the night started with a bunch of people just sitting around not even touching their pumpkins, just brainstorming.
Seriously agonizing.

Anyway, I was pleased when this pumpkin carving session took a mere 45 minutes. Rafe pointed (very vaguely) where he wanted eyes and Adam went from there.

Lydia drew a face on her pumpkin and I tried to be as true to it as I could.

Hey, who knew family traditions were fun...
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The day I thought would never come

Rafe's curls got too long.

Cry with me, people. I truly thought that I would think his curls were adorable until the end of time, but one day they were fine, the next day they were so-so, and the third day they were definitely too long. So, with the moral support of my Mom, I cut them off. I also totally messed it up, but as my Grandpa Dalton used to say, "the difference between a good haircut and a bad one is three days."
He looks so old. :(

Monday, October 28, 2013

The more things change the more they stay the same

The cancer seems (in my head) so life-changing. I thought I would just be so loving all the time to my kids, more patient, more energetic, more enthused about life, but much of the time I still just want to sit, or nap, or not be touched by toddler hands.

There are moments where I remember how special this is, and how important each moment is. But those moments of remembrance are not as frequent as they should perhaps be.

It makes me feel like a person who has received a witness of the gospel, but has drifted away - forgotten their experience with the Spirit. Am I Oliver Cowdery - continually needing reminders of the preciousness of life. Am I "casting away [my] confidence?"

Saturday, October 26, 2013

The hair returneth!

Apparently I am not in the 10% of people for whom some or all of their hair does not come back. It's not really hair yet, but my head definitely looks brown instead of skin-colored (is ecru skin-colored? Everytime I do a crossword I wonder). Adam rubbed my head the other day and said "You're just peachy." It was sweet.

Friday, October 25, 2013

I have amazing, wonderful friends

Shout out tonight to my lovely Bloomington friends. Kayleen, Giulia, Nikki, Michelle, Kim, and Emma, you are the epitome of beautiful people. Thanks for making me feel like I've accomplished something.

They planned a night out for us girls at a local restaurant. We sat at a table for over three hours, talking, discussing, eating, laughing, etc. A "Victory" cake, complete with fondant breast cancer ribbons, made a spectacular entrance, followed by thoughtful gifts to remind me of how far I've come and to help me through upcoming trials.

In short, it was a perfect evening. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all.

And to all my other friends who have done incredibly thoughtful things, you deserve shout outs as well. I will write them soon.

If I can get pictures of the festivities from other participants, I'll post them.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

What to do when you're not feeling good.

First of all, take your meds. Number one cause of not feeling well for me is being late on my meds.

Second of all, laugh. When your CVS pharmacist calls and asks if you have any (more) prescriptions for him to fill, just chuckle at the humor of the situation. How many people get to be on first-name basis with their pharmacist? How nice to be considered a regular at the corner drugstore, missed when absent too long. Similarly, when your 3-year-old daughter mentions in a voice quivering with emotion that she loves you even though you're bald, let it tickle your funny bone as opposed to striking a nerve. She meant it as the sincerest compliment, but you're allowed to laugh till you choke when she's out of earshot.

Finally, fake it till you make it. It applies to playing in the marching band in high school and again when up against a serious illness. If you don't feel well, pretend you do. Get dressed (not-withstanding the beauty of your paisley pajamas), do the things you would do on a normal day, and turn the corners of your mouth up.

And in all likelihood, you'll still feel grumpy and gross. But at least you got a laugh and got some stuff done.

Balding Bonnie

P.S. I would like to clarify what I mean when I say "you're not feeling good." It is a distinctly different feeling than "feeling like death itself." If you are superwoman (or man),you should follow my instructions regardless of which feeling you have at that moment. If you are not endowed with powers beyond those of mere mortals, feeling like death itself definitely means "go back to bed and binge on Project Runway."