My version of a Year-In-Review

I was composing a post in my head as kind of a "2013 Summary!", but it was turning into a downer and nobody wants to read that.

Instead, I wanted to talk about the awesome things that happened in 2013.

• We saw a lot of our families! More than we expected, but that was great! With 2 family reunions, and people staying with us for 6 months of the year, our kids know their relatives a lot better. Thank you everyone for taking time out of your lives to help us! We love you!
• We kept the U.S. Postal Service in business (also Amazon). Thank you to everyone who sent us packages and notes! I'm pretty sure I haven't written over half the thank you notes I need to, but we truly, truly appreciated ever single letter, gift, or package. I know they came from family members, old and new friends, ward members, and friends of friends. It was like a hug with every box. No one feels as loved as we do.
• Our ward went above and beyond with taking care of us. I cannot even count the number of people who have helped us with watching the kids, cleaning our house, making us food, dropping by gifts, coming by to chat, writing notes, sending gift cards, and praying for us. We have felt so loved and supported by our ward family (our old ward is included in this).
• We met a lot of other people in the cancer world. Although it is sobering to think of the number of people with this disease, we also feel hopeful about how many amazing survival stories and survivors themselves there are out there. 
• We also met wonderful doctors and nurses who have helped us every step of the way.
• Our family has been thriving this year. The kidlums have grown and learned so much. They are delightful when they are not maniacs and we look forward to watching them grow more. 

Toddler Selfies

Today Rafe got a hold of my phone for a while and took approximately 78 pictures of the upper right quadrant of his face. Incidentally, that section of his face is the part that contains a bruise, a scab, and a fresh scratch that he won't stop picking at. I now have 78 pictures that make it look like I abuse my child.

He's just an active (read: crazy) nearly-two-year-old, honest!

Cooking With Kids

I almost wrote "Cooking with Toddlers" as my title, but realized that at the ripe old age of 4, Lydia doesn't really qualify as a toddler anymore (/tear).

Also, this post is not a revelation of how to make your chicken and child casserole taste delicious, so if you're looking for cannibalistic recipes, move along.

The actual point of this is to ask the question "How on earth do you cook alongside your children without losing your mind?"

A typical cooking session for me looks like this.

"Okay, keep fingers out while I'm chopping, thanks! Yes, you can help pour, but...OH that was a lot. You are such a HELPer! Yay! Rafe, the microwave is not a toy, no really, not - Stop pushing the buttons...okay, let's unplug it. Hey Lyds, what have you been up to? Oh, what else did you add to the recipe? Great (big smile) No, buddy, your sister is on the stool right now. Can we keep the fridge closed? Oh, be careful there, that's hot. Chopping is really Mom's job, but that's really nice of you to want to help. We're not unloading the dishwasher right now. Yes, stir all you want. Preferably keeping some of dinner in the bowl...

And so it goes.

I want them to learn to cook, and I want to spend time with them, but goodness gracious they drive me crazy. Any hints?

Tonight I made this delicious baked gnocchi, and when I put it in the oven I realized that I had forgotten two important ingredients (one being salt) because I had been so busy putting out fires (figuratively people, no real fires, although with Rafe's obsession with the microwave, I'm sure there will come the day. Maybe I should check to make sure our fire extinguisher is in working order).

So yeah. I'm still alive. So are my children. We might order pizza tomorrow.

Road Trippin'

Hey guys! Long time no see! A lot of stuff has happened since mid-December! Maybe I'll play catch-up, but maybe not!

In the meantime, here are some pictures from our recent trip to Tennessee.

What to do when you have to do it all over again

Posting has been sparse over here, I recognize that. There's a reason for it. I'm not sure if it's a good reason. You tell me. I've been dreading posting because I don't like to deliver bad news. All my family and friends, new and old have been so supportive and happy for me after the news in this post, and I am so grateful for that.

The thing is, while the scan showed no signs of disease, when they went in to do surgery, my doctor found a whole ton more cancer in my chest wall. Which means we're back to the grindstone of chemo and radiation for the next 5 months or so.

The worst part of having cancer is telling people you have cancer. Or still have cancer.

Cheeser

Adam claims he was exactly like this as a child.

Hair (pictures fixed)

         

A friend of Adam's Mom  (Collette) has a friend (Karen) who crochets and made this amazing hat for me. I was dashing out the door with the kids to our Trunk-or-Treat and snagged it for an easy quasi-costume.
"I'm a person with hair!"

Halloween!

These are the only pictures I got of my kid's Halloween costumes.

They were both adorable.

Lydia was a ballerina (her hair was even in a bun for one of the trunk-or-treats we attended), which was solely her idea and worked out great because we just bought all the pieces of her costume. I hope to sign her up for a dance class next year, so it's just an investment.

Rafe was a duck. His favorite snuggle toy is a big ol' stuffed duck, so it was super cute to see him dressed as a duck and toting around a duck. My Mom did all the work on his costume, so I basically didn't do anything to prep for Halloween this year. Score!

Anybody (Kim, Kayleen?) get better pictures of my kids in their costumes?

Both kids loved it, Rafe covered himself with chocolate, and we have found that Lydia is suddenly very cooperative when we mention that acting otherwise could result in a Halloween candy tax.

Happy Halloween!

What to do when you feel like a cowboy

All week I've felt like there's a holster at my hip. If someone jumped out at me and said "Draw," I'd counter with "Drain!" and pull out the plastic vessel that's connected to my insides by a plastic tube to strike fear into my opponent (obviously my opponent is cancer - I don't think anyone else wants to kill me). I'm toting it around in a little pouch that, when covered by clothing, makes it look like I've got a gnarly goiter. This is all a side effect of the surgery, and while the drains were annoying at first, it's not a big deal now. Except when Lyds accidentally sits on the tube and practically yanks it out of my chest. That's kind of a big deal.

In other news, here's me wanting to show off my peach fuzz. I kind of want to keep my hair this length permanently - it gives me something to do when I'm thinking. Nothing like a lucky head to rub...oh wait...I'm probably not what you would call lucky...

Drain comes out tomorrow and then it's down to the serious business of becoming accustomed to my new Amazon shape. Man, it's going to be so easy to draw my bow and arrow now! It's going to completely up my warrioress game. In truth, I'm mostly just dreading having to wear a bra again. 

FREEDOM!

This describes my life

xkcd got it right.
Here.

Past the point of no return

It's weird to be in the hospital without a brand new baby.

I'm here for a completely different reason. Yesterday I had surgery to remove my right breast. This decreases the likelihood of my cancer returning.
But.
It's kind of alarming.
It feels like I'm in someone else's body.
I'm doing okay, but I feel like it's going to take a while to adjust to this and to feel at home in my own skin.

In other news, hospital food is gross and I have to take sponge baths for the next 2 weeks. So there's that.

Opera going

When Adam performed in Le Nozze Di Figaro last month, I got to attend with a good friend of mine, Michelle, and her daughter.

Forgive the bad lighting - I think a finger ended up in front of the flash. Lydia was not attending, but obviously needed to dress up.

Adam said I looked like a pirate, with the dangley earrings, headscarf, and all. The effect was particularly pronounced when I put on my blue pea-coat with anchor buttons...  It's so easy to look like you're wearing a costume when you're bald. In other news, that's the first time that blouse has been worn since my older sister's wedding...5+ years ago.

Going to the opera is always a good excuse to dress up, but especially so when it's an IU production. They go all out. If you're interested in seeing a video clip from the opera, featuring Adam, check out his professional website arwalton.com. Also, for those who were unable to attend, and missed the live web-stream (or if you just want to see/hear more of that amazing goodness), the recording is now up on IU's website, here. Just click on Marriage of Figaro (the picture should be of Adam) at the bottom.

Cute kids

Thanks to our wonderful neighbor for the great addition to our lives. Aren't these great chairs?

The R word

Oh, that elusive R word that every cancer patient hopes for: Remission.

We've achieved it!

My lastest PET scan showed no cancer anywhere in my body.

So instead of facing another kind of chemo, we're in maintenance mode.

HUZZAH!

Pumpkins with the punkins

Growing up, pumpkin carving was a big deal. It took hours upon agonizing hours.
This was caused by a simple thing.
Sibling Rivalry.
Everyone wanted theirs to be the most creative, coolest-looking, out-of-this-world jack-o-lantern anyone had ever seen. So the night started with a bunch of people just sitting around not even touching their pumpkins, just brainstorming.
Seriously agonizing.

Anyway, I was pleased when this pumpkin carving session took a mere 45 minutes. Rafe pointed (very vaguely) where he wanted eyes and Adam went from there.

Lydia drew a face on her pumpkin and I tried to be as true to it as I could.

Hey, who knew family traditions were fun...

The day I thought would never come

Rafe's curls got too long.

Cry with me, people. I truly thought that I would think his curls were adorable until the end of time, but one day they were fine, the next day they were so-so, and the third day they were definitely too long. So, with the moral support of my Mom, I cut them off. I also totally messed it up, but as my Grandpa Dalton used to say, "the difference between a good haircut and a bad one is three days."

He looks so old. :(

The more things change the more they stay the same

The cancer seems (in my head) so life-changing. I thought I would just be so loving all the time to my kids, more patient, more energetic, more enthused about life, but much of the time I still just want to sit, or nap, or not be touched by toddler hands.

There are moments where I remember how special this is, and how important each moment is. But those moments of remembrance are not as frequent as they should perhaps be.

It makes me feel like a person who has received a witness of the gospel, but has drifted away - forgotten their experience with the Spirit. Am I Oliver Cowdery - continually needing reminders of the preciousness of life. Am I "casting away [my] confidence?"

The hair returneth!

Apparently I am not in the 10% of people for whom some or all of their hair does not come back. It's not really hair yet, but my head definitely looks brown instead of skin-colored (is ecru skin-colored? Everytime I do a crossword I wonder). Adam rubbed my head the other day and said "You're just peachy." It was sweet.

I have amazing, wonderful friends

Shout out tonight to my lovely Bloomington friends. Kayleen, Giulia, Nikki, Michelle, Kim, and Emma, you are the epitome of beautiful people. Thanks for making me feel like I've accomplished something.

They planned a night out for us girls at a local restaurant. We sat at a table for over three hours, talking, discussing, eating, laughing, etc. A "Victory" cake, complete with fondant breast cancer ribbons, made a spectacular entrance, followed by thoughtful gifts to remind me of how far I've come and to help me through upcoming trials.

In short, it was a perfect evening. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all.

And to all my other friends who have done incredibly thoughtful things, you deserve shout outs as well. I will write them soon.

If I can get pictures of the festivities from other participants, I'll post them.

What to do when you're not feeling good.

First of all, take your meds. Number one cause of not feeling well for me is being late on my meds.

Second of all, laugh. When your CVS pharmacist calls and asks if you have any (more) prescriptions for him to fill, just chuckle at the humor of the situation. How many people get to be on first-name basis with their pharmacist? How nice to be considered a regular at the corner drugstore, missed when absent too long. Similarly, when your 3-year-old daughter mentions in a voice quivering with emotion that she loves you even though you're bald, let it tickle your funny bone as opposed to striking a nerve. She meant it as the sincerest compliment, but you're allowed to laugh till you choke when she's out of earshot.

Finally, fake it till you make it. It applies to playing in the marching band in high school and again when up against a serious illness. If you don't feel well, pretend you do. Get dressed (not-withstanding the beauty of your paisley pajamas), do the things you would do on a normal day, and turn the corners of your mouth up.

And in all likelihood, you'll still feel grumpy and gross. But at least you got a laugh and got some stuff done.

Love,
Balding Bonnie

P.S. I would like to clarify what I mean when I say "you're not feeling good." It is a distinctly different feeling than "feeling like death itself." If you are superwoman (or man),you should follow my instructions regardless of which feeling you have at that moment. If you are not endowed with powers beyond those of mere mortals, feeling like death itself definitely means "go back to bed and binge on Project Runway."