Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Is this what normal feels like?

At some point during chemo I forgot what it feels like to feel good. Forget good, I couldn't remember what normal felt like. I would wake up and bury my head under the pillows because getting up just seemed way, way too hard. And then I started to assume that the way I felt every day was just normal, and that I would feel terrible, horrible, no good, very bad every morning for the rest of my life. The days stretched out in my mind like this eternal, beige-colored, no-end-in-sight, not actually going anywhere road that I had to walk. That's when the depression set in. I felt trapped in a sad, sick, tired body that couldn't do the things it needed to in order to help two amazing children feel loved.

Thankfully, chemo ended. And I woke up this morning thinking "Hey, getting out of bed isn't that bad." And then I got up and was a kind, loving, and fun mother to my kids all day long.

When the kids were asleep, I looked at Adam and said, "I BAMMED today."

Yes, this picture was taken today.

P.S. Remind me to tell you about the time I BAMMED the library.

7 comments:

Anne Burnett said...

Hooray for Bonnie and feeling good again! We LOVE you!!!

Mom Walton said...

So glad you had a great day! Love to all of you

Dad Walton said...

HUZZAH FOR NORMAL. May there be many, many more such days. We do love you.

brittney perry said...

:) Bonnie this made me so happy tonight - I'm glad you BAMMED today. I'm still working on domming.

Lauran and Dustin said...

Happiness. And awesomeness. And you rock. Big time.

Bonnie said...

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I hope things will keep going up.

r o y a l said...

BAM it dude!!