Monday, May 6, 2013

What to do when...

If the only reason you check my blog is to see pictures of cute kids and hear fun happy stories, now is the time to run for the hills. Don't come back for the foreseeable future. Life is about to change, as it has for our family, so get out while you're ahead.

Let's do it quick, like a band-aid, okay?

I have breast cancer.

It's amazing how in the blink of an eye everything is completely different. The way the light falls in our home is just ever-so-slightly odd these days. The thoughts that go through my head in the morning as I wake up bear little resemblance to those I thought just a few weeks ago. Relationships and friendships are colored slightly differently - they taste like there's a secret ingredient now. And my worries aren't so much about how to get a healthy meal on the table anymore. Fancy that.

In an effort to make a bit of sense of the tumult that is my mind right now, I'm going to start a feature on this blog called "What to do when..." It's open-ended enough that I can write non-cancer-related segments, but - let's face it. For now it's probably going to be mostly about cancer. Say it. It helps. CANCER.

Posting this in a public forum may seem like overshare, but the purpose is twofold for me. I think it will be therapeutic for me to be able to spew my brain mess out on a page, but it's also much more practical for us to post updates online than to call all the people that want to be in the loop every time we go to the doctor. Hopefully over the next few days I'll be posting what we know about my situation and how we've gotten to where we are. So...stay tuned for the exciting opening, entitled "What to do when you want to have a great birthday."


P.S. I hope you'll forgive me for trying to keep this light-hearted. It's really the only way I know how to deal with this. Please don't be offended or think I'm not taking this seriously. I'm serious as a heart-attack. Or cancer. That one.

P.P.S. I recognize that most of the people who read this blog are family and have already been apprised of the situation. If this is the first you've heard, it doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I am incredibly overwhelmed. Everyone not related is in the same boat as you.


14 comments:

brittney said...

I don't have your phone number anymore. But Bonnie. This brings me to tears, and California seems so far away. Thank you for posting this - you and your family will be in my prayers. My email is brittneyhperry at gmail if you ever need anything. Truly.

Kristine said...

Bonnie, you are so amazing! Even the way you wrote this post makes me think I'd love to read a book written by you. It hasn't taken much lately, but this brought me to tears. And to hear you talk about it in a little bit lighter way is therapeutic to me as well. You are loved! ...I would like to say so much more, and wish I had your gift with words. But know that you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.

Anne Burnett said...

We love you, Bonnie. My girls remember you in every single prayer they say. (Russ and I do as well.)

Katie said...

Bonnie, I'm not great with words, but if I heard this news in person, I would give you a big hug. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Dad said...

Bonnie, thank your for posting this. I will look forward to the updates. You are always in our prayers.

Meg Morley Walter said...

I feel weird and voyeuristic commenting on this since I don't know you that well and haven't seen you in years, but I want you to know that this is really beautifully written. You manage to put into words what many must feel. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but so impressed by your attitude.

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel Reece said...

I love you more than words can say. You are so brave! And you will be in my prayers and my family's prayers because even though they have only met you a few times, they know who you are (and love you too, I dare say). I love and admire you SO MUCH, even capital letters can't contain it. Wish we lived closer.--Rachel Reece

hilary said...

Bonnie, this is so beautifully written and i am just so amazed by your strength. i am heartbroken for you. you are in my thoughts and prayers. you are an amazing woman.

Hilary said...

Bonnie, you are incredible. From your "light-hearted" tone you sound so strong and brave. I love you! You will be in my prayers. I wish I was closer so I could help out. If you ever just want a new person to talk to so you can vent but not feel like you are repeating yourself to the same people, please call me. 801-836-2528

Em Rob said...

Bonnie I am in shock. Seriously. Shock shock shock. You're incredible!!!! What in the world can we do??? Would it help to call and vent? I'm always available to talk! Let me know if you'd like that. Or if it'd be awkward. Or anything like that. I just love your stinkin' guts! YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to race for the cure right now.

Bonnie said...

I love you all! I am seriously overwhelmed by the deluge of love I have received. I don't think I can handle calling or emailing you all right now, but thank you, thank you. I am sure I will have many hours in the future where I am not feeling well enough to do anything - so maybe I'll start doing the calling then.

You are the best friends and family anyone could ask for. Thanks for being the best.

And Emrob - my thoughts exactly - let's all go race for the cure.

ashley said...

Bonnie, I am so very sorry and I feel helpless, but I am amazed by your ability to share and I will pray for you and your sweet family.

Jean said...

BONS. I got back from a 5-day hiatus and logged into Google Reader (I'll hang onto it until the very last minute) and got all excited for your 4 new posts - bam! What a heartbreak.
I'm so sorry you have to do this, and I'm glad you're hanging onto your sense of humor. The "I can't imagine what you're going through" speech is completely unhelpful, so just know I'll be thinking about and praying for you, and checking here for updates. I wish you the very very best!