Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Nice compliment? Or cruel irony?

"You have such beautiful hair." 

It was just a comment, and I don't mind, it was just an odd time. I'm awkwardly trying to get myself on this hard table without breaking my spine further, and the cute, kind, sweet technician comments on my hair. And see - I'm sensitive about my hair right now, because I know it's days are numbered. It's days are numbered by the very treatment I was lying down for today. After about 10 of these treatments, my hair will be no more. So...it felt odd. I wish she had commented on my...shoes. I get to keep those.

And then I'm kicking myself for being sensitive about this - because it's just hair, right? I'm not vain, right? But of course I am. And my hair has been good to me. So I'm allowed a moment of sorrow when the woman with the hair she gets to keep comments on my normal, plain locks, that are being sent to deathrow.

It got real today. We started treatments to fight back. I'm getting radiation on my head and back for the next 14 weekdays. Side effects include sensitive skin, hair loss, and fatigue. I get to wash my hair with baby shampoo for it's remaining days - and no heat or scrubbing. No lotions with scents, or sunscreen. They said side effects won't kick in for a couple weeks, but I got home and was wiped out. I felt nauseous, in pain, and exhausted. So I took a four hour nap and feel a bit better. Hope this isn't an everyday thing...

Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers. I'm sounding like a broken record, but they're keeping me going.


7 comments:

Anne Burnett said...

I had no idea you had your first day of treatments today. And you still called me. You're amazing.

mom said...

We have been thinking of you all day and hoping the radiation won't be too bad.

Dad Walton said...

I am sorry to hear that the first round of the battle was so hard but grateful that the battle has been joined. We love you and continue to pray for you.

brittney said...

I've been donating my hair since I was 19, and I'm going to donate in a few months; I have about 24 inches right now, and you only need 10 to donate, so I was thinking about donating twice. Anyway, this week when I told my husband about all this, I just cried and I asked him what he thought I could do for you - and he suggested that I give you my hair. And said, "No, that's too weird - you can't just offer to give someone your hair..." Because maybe you're going to dom the bald look. Maybe you want other things. But the point is this: I love you so much Bonnie, I would give you all my hair if you wanted it.

Rachel said...

Hi Bonnie, other friends might have told you, but our gaggle of friends are fasting for you today. Just wanted to let you know. :)

And I think I would also be sensitive about the hair comment. :)

Love you. Thanks for writing these updates. I love reading them.

Kristine said...

You are definitely allowed a moment (or many moments) of sorrow for losing your hair. That sounds very hard to me. I hope the radiation treatments get easier than they were yesterday. You are beautiful, inside and out!

Lauran and Dustin said...

Remember when--
...we were sleeping on your bed wrapped in that awesome blanket and your hairs got all over me (served me right for stealing your comforter)

...you had that hicky on your neck that you pretended was a curling iron burn from that morning the day you got married? jk...I believe you if you say you burned yourself.

...you are one of the most amazing people I know? Love you from me, and you are awesome. Hope things get better.